How do you talk to yourself?
There's a running commentary in most people's heads, and it has a tone. Some of us have never once stopped to listen to what it actually says.
Six questions. Two or three minutes.
These are just questions to think about — not a test, and not a diagnosis. There's no score at the end.
Question 1 of 6You can stop at any point.
You make a mistake at work or in class. What's the first sentence in your head?
Someone pays you a genuine compliment.
When you need help with something, what do you do?
Think about the voice that comments on what you do. Whose is it?
A friend describes exactly your situation to you. What do you say to them?
How often does that voice get the last word?
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Something to sit with
From your answers, the commentary in your head sounds broadly fair. You can take a compliment, you can ask for help, and a mistake stays the size of a mistake. That's less common than you'd think, and it's worth knowing you have it.
The one thing worth watching is what that voice does when you're worn out. It tends to get its volume from tiredness rather than from evidence.
A small one, for the days it does get loud:
The 'good enough' text messageFor the reply you've owed someone for eleven days. It doesn't have to be a good message. It has to be sent.1 min readIf something ever changes and you'd like to talk it through, you're welcome to book a session.
Something to sit with
Something in your answers is worth noticing: there's a clear gap between what you'd say to a friend in your exact position and what you say to yourself. Kinder for them. Not for you.
That gap is usually old. It's often borrowed from someone — a teacher, a parent, whoever you first learned to be careful around — and it has been running unsupervised ever since. Which also means it isn't a fact about you. It's a habit of speech, and habits of speech can be looked at.
You don't have to argue with it. Noticing when it's talking is most of the work.
On one very ordinary place that voice shows up:
The 'good enough' text messageFor the reply you've owed someone for eleven days. It doesn't have to be a good message. It has to be sent.1 min readIf you'd like to look at where it came from with someone, that's a good use of a session. Whenever suits you.
Something to sit with
Reading these back carefully: what you've described is a voice that doesn't let up, and doesn't have anything kind in it. You know exactly what you'd say to a friend in your position. You have nothing for yourself.
That's a hard way to live, and it's worth naming rather than getting on with. It also isn't evidence about you — a voice that harsh is almost never accurate, no matter how certain it sounds. It's just been unchallenged for a long time.
You don't have to fight it today. It helped to notice it.
For the hours when it gets loudest:
What to do with a 3am spiralThe thoughts that arrive at 3am aren't wiser than the ones at 3pm. They're just louder.2 min readAnd if you want someone in the room while you look at this, you can book a session. You wouldn't be asking for too much.
That's fine
You skipped all of them, and that's a perfectly reasonable thing to do — sometimes the questions aren't the right ones, or it isn't the day. Nothing was recorded. You're welcome to come back, or not.
Stopped there
Stopped, and nothing was kept. If a question was more than you wanted to look at right now, that's fine — it will still be here another time.
Nothing you picked was saved, sent anywhere or counted. It stayed in this browser tab and it's already gone.